


This Isn't So Bad!

by TheBLQueen (RyderRirann)



Series: Open Your Eyes [2]
Category: SoulWorker (Video Game)
Genre: Coming Out, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyderRirann/pseuds/TheBLQueen
Summary: Part 2 after Jin is Too Nice! The boys sit down and try to talk things out. Spoilers up to Ruin Fortress.





	This Isn't So Bad!

**Author's Note:**

> I probably should have put this in the other fic too haha, but here are the name equivalents from the GameForge translation (aside from Sarah's since her's is in the tags).
> 
> Jeremy = Medo
> 
> And I haven't played Jin past Candus City yet, so apologies if his behavior is a little off.

"C'mon, you're better than that~"

A left hook. I knew she was going to do it, so I managed to dodge. Albeit barely. Her smaller, yet skillful fist ever so slightly grazed my cheek.

"You'll regret saying that pretty soon," I taunt her back. I throw a punch of my own, and she blocked it with her arm.

"Those little guns you keep using made you forget the basics?" Lily's grin grew wider as we paused our sparring match, staring each other down for a moment. I think both of us appreciated the short break; Lily was struggling for air just as badly as I was.

"You're one to talk when you use a farming tool as a weapon."

Lily mustered up enough breath to let out a halfhearted laugh. Nothing makes me happier than getting a smile out of a beautiful girl like herself. It's especially so now since our tasks with the Starry Forest League are getting heftier by what feels like hours at a time.

The Blood SoulWorkers. While they're pretty to look at minus the little runt, they're highly dangerous. It was maybe only a few minutes ago that the old NED scientist explained what their goal might be. If this 'Shion' is awakened, the entire human race might get wiped out.

So, no pressure or anything. Just leave the fate of this post-apocalyptic world to a group of teens and a half-human-half-SoulJunk girl. Perfectly normal stuff right here.

Lily started to take a step back and held up her fists again. I guess break time is over.

We exchanged a couple more blows, and our match ended when Lily caught me off guard and swept my feet from under me. I fell on my butt on top of the sparring mat.

Maybe she had a point of me using my guns too much. I'm usually pretty light on my feet.

She peeled off her boxing gloves and gave me a hand. I tossed mine aside and gratefully accepted.

"No wonder you invited me for a match. You suck, Erwin. We still have to catch the Blood SoulWorkers, y'know!"

"Nah. I'm just... distracted."

"Distracted?" Lily echoed and rose a brow.

I can't tell her the real reason...!

Without thinking, I quickly looked her up and down not focusing on anything in particular. "It's not every day I get to see you in exercising gear. It fits you quite nicely and brings out your-"

Lily kicked me hard on the shin. I instantly recoiled and hissed.

"Hey!"

"You better be lucky it wasn't your balls. Remember you're already on a watch list from Grace City."

She's ruthless. "Haha... Sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not," Lily replied sharply, but she still shot me a grin shortly after anyway. Maybe it's because we're both SoulWorkers so that she's not too upset? Nonetheless, I'm just glad she doesn't hold grudges.

And it seemed she believed that excuse. Phew.

Truly, I had hoped the little sparring match would pull me out of my thoughts. It clearly didn't. They did the exact opposite if anything else and pulled me down during the sparring session instead. Lily even briefly brought it up when she kicked me.

The door to the training room suddenly opened while I grabbed a water bottle. I didn't bother looking since it's most likely just a soldier walking by to do some training themselves. Not too many SoulWorkers come here... Usually.

But the sound of his voice made me pause. I nearly choked on my drink.

"Oh, hey, Lily. Did you see Erwin around here?"

It's Jin. The man I'm trying to avoid.

"Yeah. I just finished a match with him. He's over by the benches." I chanced a glance and caught her motioning towards me.

I guess I can't get out of this. They both see me.

Ever since that 'thing' happened with Jin, my head's been a complete mess. I can't stop thinking about that day. It's gotten to the point where if I flirt with a woman, Jin pops in my head from time to time. If I don't stop my thoughts, sometimes I even start recalling the dress he wore, how it felt, and other minute details that I hadn't realized before...

Both Lily and Jin are standing in front of me now. C'mon Erwin, just act natural. I looked up at them from my seat.

"I see you found a Jin." I settled with that and forced a grin.

"I'm surprised you remember his name despite your 'disease,' Erwin." Lily commented.

Damn it. "Well, we do have to team up from time to time for missions. I was kinda forced to anyway."

"If you say so."

I turned to face Jin, but I can't look him in the eyes. "Why are you here?"

"S-Sarah called for the both of u-us she said it's i-important and I'm h-here to just fetch you."

His stutter was so terrible I could barely make out what he said.

"Um... Are you feeling alright there, Jin?" Lily asked.

Jin chuckled nervously. "Y-yeah! Totally fine. It's just really cold outside. Me and Ruin Fortress' weather d-don't mix very well..."

"Ooookay." Lily suspiciously agreed. She wasn't convinced. I wasn't either.

...Yet I have a feeling both him and I know exactly what was on each other's mind. 

Hoping to break up the awkwardness, I abruptly stood up. "I wished she just asked for me only, but I'll go if it's that important. Let me shower first."

"Alright. I'll wait here." Jin managed to speak normally and settled with leaning on a nearby wall.

...There's a bench perfect for him to sit on, yet he picked a wall. He's on edge just like me. At least I think he is. I'm almost 100% sure he has to be.

Why am I so convinced? Jin has been avoiding me a lot, too. Despite what he told me from 'that' time, he isn't keeping his word... Or maybe it's my fault for not giving him a chance. I'm thinking way too much about this.

I'm just gonna shower and get whatever Sarah wants over and done with.

~~~

Jin led me to Sarah's office rather than the spot she tends to like standing outside. Odd, but it's better than freezing my butt off out there. I'm not complaining.

The doctor picked up her head from her laptop screen behind her desk upon our arrival. "Ah, just the boys I wanted to see. Thanks for finding him, Jin."

"Anytime," Jin replied with a soft smile.

...I really don't want to be here longer than I have to. I settled on speeding up the conversation. "You said you have something important for us?"

"Yes. So I've been developing a way for us to better track the Blood SoulWorkers before they reach Shion in Ark Ship. This little guy was being constructed since we've arrived in Ruin Fortress, and I think it may just work..."

She stood up and struggled to drag a metal machine out from under her desk. Jin had to help her. It looked heavy and closely resembled a trash can to me.

"I'm hoping Abel can't remotely hack it somehow. Anyway, it works a bit like the scanner we used on Abel when we mistook him for a lost child, but it's more portable and can detect the location of any Blood SoulWorkers in a 2-mile radius... Theoretically at least."

I already knew where this was going. "And I bet you want us to plant this inside Ark Ship somewhere?"

"Spot on, Erwin. The range is too short staying where we are now, so it must be set up in Ark Ship. It doesn't have to be very deep, either. A hidden spot on the deck works just fine. Try to keep it away from the robots, too."

"So we just set it up and leave?" Jin asked next. I internally wished we could just so I can get this mission done as quick as possible.

Sarah shook her head. "Stick with it for at least an hour before leaving. It's to ensure that it's operating correctly. After that, you two will be done. If I have to instruct you two to do anything else, Amanda offered to open communications as needed. This is an extra mission and she is drained... So that's why they can't stay open all the time. My apologies for that."

"No, don't worry. We understand! I'm just impressed you can build something like that so quickly." Jin smiled again.

"Haha, they don't pay me to sit around all day." Sarah happily accepted the compliment.

It's nice those two can be all sunshine and rainbows about this, but I can't bring myself to be excited at all. I have to be stuck with Jin and I can't even chat up anyone back in the base whenever I want. "Do you really need two people for this? It's not my style being partnered with another man... I could probably go by myself."

"Then I'd like to see you try lifting it with no help," Sarah's voice had a teasing tone to it.

Does it really weigh that much?

I challenged her words and gripped it by the ribbed edges. I could only manage to tilt it, but I couldn't lift it at all, nor even push it. What the hell was this stuff made out of to make it so ridiculously heavy? It's not even that large!

I sigh in defeat. "I see what you mean."

"If Jin couldn't do it by himself, I know for sure that the rest of you SoulWorkers wouldn't be able to do it on your lonesome, either," Sarah added with a small nod.

I shoot Jin a sideways glance. "Guess I'm stuck with you."

His smile this time was noticeably smaller. "Yeah... Guess so."

I can't tell if Sarah noticed the uncomfortable atmosphere around us or not, but she kept going business as usual. "We can provide you with a cart to help lug the machine around, but other than that, you two are on your own. It's a fairly simple, yet important task. I'm sure you guys can handle it."

Her eyes traveled between the two of us to give us individual head nods. I found that too adorable. "Good luck!"

~~~

It's only been 10 minutes since we got here, but I'm already fed up with this mission. Neither I nor Jin has uttered a single word since we've step foot in Ark Ship. Only the sounds of rolling wheels on the cart and occasional whirs of the machine filled our ears. Even the enemies were oddly silent. I was hoping at least one of them would see us and attack to break the monotony, but no. Of all times, why was it now that the robots want to leave us alone?

I'm currently behind Jin while he's pulling the cart. My job now was to ensure nothing would snatch it away, or if it fell or looked like it might tip, I'd be able to notice it immediately.

I'm tired of staring at his back. I'm tired of everything right now.

"Say something already!" I snap out of annoyance and boredom.

Jin's entire frame jolted from my outburst. "Uh, nice weather we're having today?"

"What a lame response," I grumbled back.

"It's kind of hard to think about one so suddenly..." He turned his head back forward to keep pulling the cart.

"You've had a lot of time to think from all the silence."

"The same could be said about you too, Erwin."

"Perhaps, but I asked you first."

"...Not fair."

"C'mon. Out with it. What's been eating you up? Not that I care too much, anyway..."

Jin actually stopped again to look at me. His usually cheery disposition darkened up a bit. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this, but it's making me incredibly uneasy. "You probably already know, but it's about that time in Grace City... I've been thinking about it for a while but maybe... I might be..."

He's taking ages to get his words out.

...Is it that bad? Why am I so worried? I shouldn't be. I just told him I don't care. I'm really starting to hate my own head.

Jin took a deep breath, and he finally, _finally_ said something. The problem was that I couldn't hear it.

"Speak up. You're quieter than a mouse," I urged him.

Jin squeezed his eyes shut. I could tell he's forcing this out of his system. "I might be gay, alright?!"

"Wha...!"

I shake my head already fearing the worst. "You better not say you like me next!"

"No! Well... That's the part I haven't figured out yet, but ever since you asked that question whether I was gay or not, it's been on my mind for a while..."

A gray area is better than a hard yes, so I'll take it. "Huh... And why tell me all this?"

Jin's shoulders fell from all the tension he just let out. If his words weren't enough, his body language certainly told me he's being completely serious. "You'd be the one who knows the most about this since you were actually _there,_ and you made me realize it. I can't exactly tell anyone else about this since... Uh, I know you don't want other people finding out about what happened between us."

...I truly don't know what to tell him. I simply stare at him, utterly speechless.

Since I didn't say anything, Jin kept going. "I'm sorry. I don't have anyone else to turn to, even if you don't like me all that much... I can't ignore it any longer, either. I'm tired of running away."

Another long silence. I swallowed my own saliva and wracked my brain to say at least one word. "That's... something."

Jin turned back around and resumed pulling the cart. "Haha, I knew you didn't want to hear it." He laughed, but he sounded so sad.

I can't believe it. I really do hate my head. I hate it so much because it's telling me I don't like seeing Jin upset. I suppose that's how I feel, then...?

Even if it's kinda scary... I've liked girls all my life, but then this blockhead shows up invading my thoughts and now I'm...

"No. It's fine. If it makes you feel any better, you can keep talking. I'll listen."

Jin glanced at me over his shoulder somewhat shocked as if to say 'you mean that?'

I replied to his nonspoken question. "If I didn't mean it, I would've never said it. Go on."

His stupid grin was so wide that his eyes squinted a little. "Thanks. Let's find a place for Sarah's machine first, then I'll tell you more."

"Yeah, yeah." I replied while throwing my hands behind my head as we continued walking further into Ark Ship. I'd never say it to Jin's face, but seeing that smile actually made me feel better...

Bah. I'm going too soft.

Nonetheless, it didn't take us too much longer to find a spot for the device. Jin and I agreed on an area tucked behind a bunch of cargo boxes that the robots typically don't patrol. With the both of us lifting the unnecessarily heavy hunk of metal off of the cart, we made quick work of the task. It created a pretty loud clang on top of the metal deck. We hoped it didn't alert the robots.

Sarah's voice came in through Amanda's SoulForce link. "My readings detected that the device was dropped. I presume you two were the cause?"

"Yep! We've secured a place. It should be out of sight here," Jin replied.

"Great. I'll run the setup process now. It may even be faster than an hour; who knows? I'll chime back in if something comes up." Sarah signed off shortly after finishing her piece.

In the meantime, both of us picked a place to sit against a cargo box to wait for further instructions from Sarah.

"So..." I started and gave Jin an expectant look.

Jin kept his eyes on his lap and twiddled his thumbs. "...When you asked that question, you really made a good point. What if I am actually gay? I'm still not totally comfortable talking to girls yet, or let alone touch them. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. We've been here for months, so I should be making some kind of progress, right? I feel much more relaxed around guys... If it's a girl, I'm on edge if she gets too close."

"You weren't like that with Catherine," I mention, taking the chance to bring up the sore topic.

"She was just a special case. Besides, she was a sweet child... I didn't think about her gender when I spoke with her," Jin explained. He didn't look horribly hurt like that, so he most likely accepted her death by now.

"Then try not to think too hard about gender when you talk to other girls?" I try suggesting next.

"That's easier said than done."

"Or maybe you have some strange phobia? I dunno."

"Maybe..."

This conversation is actually pretty hard. I have no experience in this field whatsoever... I'm practically grasping at straws. "Um, if you're gay, then that means you have to find guys attractive. Do you find them attractive?"

Jin picked up his head and looked me dead in the eye.

"...Please don't use me as a basis," I murmured.

"To be honest Erwin, I can say I really like your hair. It's pretty."

"Did you hear what I just said?!"

"Your flustered face is cute, too."

A man just complimented me (if being called cute counts as one) and instead of wanting to barf, my heart is pounding. What's wrong with me?!

"W-what about other guys?"

"When I think about liking other guys, you're the one who pops in my head the most and no one-"

Jin suddenly paused. His face turned bright red and he covered it in both his hands as if trying to hide it. "...I just said that out loud."

"Ha... Haha... Indeed you did..." I ended up finding the floor very interesting. Riveting, really.

"So much for that," Jin sighed. "So... Do you find this gross? You don't want me around anymore, right? Since you don't like guys that much... Gay guys are probably worse..."

"Well, uh..."

Boy, this is hard. My first instinct is to just brush off Jin and say I don't like guys at all. Essentially my default reaction. If I were to say that, though, I'd probably push Jin even further away. We'd be more distant than we have been now. It might also hurt his feelings especially if I'm the only one he's completely comfortable with talking about this kind of thing.

Most importantly, it'd be a lie. Sure I don't like guys, but Jin... He's an exception. Why? I don't know. He just is. Gay or not gay, he's still an exception.

Even if it's me who he likes...

"...I don't dislike you. You know, out of all the male names I can remember correctly, I only know two. You and Jeremy. So that has to mean something, right?"

"Really?!" Jin's voice piped up a bit louder than usual. When I finally looked at him again, he seemed so relieved to hear my words.

I found myself smiling a little. "Yes really. So count yourself lucky, I guess."

"Erwin...! Thanks!"

He practically tackled me to the ground with that hug. I had to plant my hands on the deck of the ship to keep us from falling over. "T-that doesn't mean you have my permission for a hug!"

It wasn't that bad honestly... Just unexpected. And I hoped he didn't notice how fast my heart was going.

"Ah, sorry." Jin apologized and pulled away.

"This was weighing you down a ton, huh?"

"You had no idea..." Jin said, still smiling like the fool he is.

For some odd reason, I feel a little lighter too. We haven't even talked about me much but, it's nice seeing Jin with a smile on his face rather than a frown.

The SoulForce link kicked in as soon as we wrapped up our one on one. It's Amanda. "HOW SWEET! I didn't know you were capable of something like that, Erwin, and I'm happy for you Jin-"

Jin and I said the exact same words simultaneously. "YOU WERE LISTENING THE WHOLE TIME?"

"I only tuned in around when you asked Jin if he found men attractive. It was to make sure you two were safe; I wasn't expecting anything this deep. Don't worry~ Your secret is safe with me boys~"

I shared an astonished look with Jin. We're probably echoing each other's expressions.

"Sarah said she'd be back in about ten more minutes with a status update. You guys are almost done out there... Aww, I still can't get over what I just heard~" The link died out when she finished.

...We went back to being completely silent again, but this time it was out of necessity.

That still didn't stop the tiny snicker Jin let out shortly after. I kinda joined in too. Perhaps after this... My mind can finally be at ease.


End file.
